CikuLife, RandomCiku

Finding Ciku

I recently did a profile assessment for work and learnt how to read it.

Turns out..”I’m lost!”

Of course, no one should take these assessments as 100% true la.

But it got me thinking…

Am I lost?

I brushed it off and figured, it’s one of those things.

But as I kept brushing it away, I kept getting sucked into that fact.

And I finally admitted to my husband and told him..

I’m lost.

He tried his best to diagnose what went wrong, when it started and what made me finally say it?

It’s really something I don’t want to discuss here but at the same time, it is writing that makes me feel a lot better.

I honestly felt like I haven’t done much for myself.

I’ve been endlessly giving my all to my work, to my family, making things and arrangements to see things through but what have I done for myself?

Besides being able to see the achievements, the satisfaction in what I do for work, in what makes my husband, mother and kids happy, I neglected what made me happy.

And I realized, it’s writing.

I had this freedom of updating random thoughts on Dayre. I still do speak somewhat my mind on Instagram but it didn’t give me that same feeling as how I would blogging.

Sigh. Can’t even call myself a blogger now la.

Anyhow, I started making conscious decisions to put myself first.

Call me selfish but I have to. Otherwise, I’m gonna head back to “I’m lost.”

And with this, I hope to write more.

Random ramblings, updates of my children (for memory sake), just updating to keep myself in check.

(I can’t do work related posts. Sorry.)

And I guess the objective of this post is to say:

I’m human. Not that superwoman. I’m lost and hoping to find myself back again.

Disclaimer:

There’s nothing wrong with my marriage and family life. (We got hiccups, nothing is perfect.)

I’m not doubting my choice in career. I enjoy what I do. (It’s not 100% smooth sailing. Which career is?)

It’s purely me and I took a step back and found what I miss doing most…

Writing Disclaimers.

πŸ˜‚

4 thoughts on “Finding Ciku”

  1. Just keep writing those disclaimers, Ciku! πŸ˜‚

    On a serious note, we’re all only human and wanting to do something for ourselves and only for ourselves is human. I hope you find the way back to yourself soon. *hugs*

    Like

  2. There are always times we need to think of ourselves and put ourselves first. It’s like how I once read/heard that we need to love ourselves first before we can love others or for others to love us. Something like that. πŸ™‚

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s